'A Brand new DVD for men'
Watch Men create new Life Pathways
This unscripted film, with no actors was filmed in Australia, and
launched by VicHealth, a Peak Health Promotion Organisation.
What the film shows
the stories unfold, as men
improve relationships with family and friends
express themselves more fully
resolve grief, (a key factor in addressing domestic violence)
are more grounded
|Steve Homan: "I feel real joy when I see my mother now. I was pretty close to finishing myself off. This process has made me think that that is a stupid thing to do."|
|Drew: "I hadn't completely let go of my father. A real resentment has gone out of the grieving process, and my relationship with mum has improved."|
|Roger: "This group has made me refocus on who I am. I am a man, a father, a potential partner and I am a worker in the world."|
|Des: "It's been an eye opener. I am from a different generation and did not realise the turmoil out there. The group has done a lot of good.I am glad I was a part of it."|
|Steve Gibson. "My relationship with my parents has improved. I feel I understand them better. Coming here each week; I have done it with joy, though it was scary at times."|
|Adam: "To me it has been therapeutic. I am feeling a bit more relaxed."|
|Anthony: "I can look at all the men in this room and appreciate all the input I have received.You are all good men, and I think we have done a good group."|
|Guido: "I have been able to express my feelings, though they have often been sad feelings. I have been happy that you all listening to me."|
|Andrew: "I decided to feel the fear and do it anyway."|
Elwood VIC 3184
Email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
For 15 years, Nick was in Private Practice as a Mens Counsellor and group facilitator, and formed over 40 mens groups. He now counsels men and women at the Family Mediation Centre in Victoria (Australia), consults to Community groups and gives presentations.
Programs developed include:
Fathers and Sons,
Mens Social and Emotional Awareness,
Stress and Wellbeing.
Nick's writing about men has covered prostate cancer and impotence, sons and fathers, and mentoring, and has been published in the Melbourne Age, The West Australian, and numerous newsletters. He gives public lectures, and hosted 'The Full Monty', a radio program devoted to men's issues for two years.Qualifications:
Diploma in Counselling and Human Services (
in Mens Health (
Graduate Diploma in Education (Hawthorn Institute) 1985
in Business Studies (
Feedback from people who bought the DVD
want avoid promoting it as a 'men's group' as such. We want to open it as a social
group for men. This macho culture here is phenomenal, and to suggest to guys they'll
get something from a process as full-on and confronting as this...I don't know
what their reaction would be, but I would be surprised if it was positive.
Heather,Health Promotion Officer
'The film reminded me of the importance of identification and honest communication. I really believe that men will benefit from Mens Groups. In my opinion, my partner and I have deeper level of communication since watching the film'.
'Just finished watching the
DVD and had a brief look at the program notes. The DVD was really good. A real
good mix of men's personalities to demonstrate what guys can get out of this experience.
was interesting watching the role play with Anthony. It reminds me of
Matt Davis, Youth Development Worker
Stephens, Men's Programs Officer
Organisations using the DVD
Australia, Mensline Australia, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Roundtable
Dispute Management (Melbourne), Australia Post, VicHealth, Department for Victorian
Communities, The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, Suicide Prevention
New Zealand, Latrobe and Sydney Universities, Chisholm Institute, |
Australian Greek Welfare, public libraries, Whyall Hospital, the Mental Association of Central Australia, Sacred Heart Mission, Population Health (Western Australia), Knox City Council, Community Health Services, and men's groups in the community.
A Men’s six pack: articles
This article relates how important fathers are to sons, and daughters. It tells of the gaping wound of emptiness experienced when a father is not available, and the joy ofwhen he is.
Touch need not be about sex; try intimacy. We need touch in a society which is becoming increasingly alienating.
This article is about initimacy, and preconceived ideas about intimacy can lead to misunderstandings and violence.
Australia supports men who are dealing with family and relationship difficulties,
particularly surrounding family break-down or separation.
To Violence, (NTV) the
Male Family Violence Prevention Association Inc., is a peak organisation of individuals
and agencies working for the prevention of male family violence. The specific
focus is work with men to assist them to change and end their violent behaviour.
Radio National ABC - Health Online
site for Seniors
Anonymous in Victoria
Panic Hub Australia
Mens' Health Links
Loads of information about depression
Malecare.comThe non profit Malecare has been providing prostrate, testicular & male breast cancer support programs for 5 years. Website contains 200 pages of helpful health information.
Men's Project -
- Bradford Reducing Anger and Violent Emotions
Mens group article
MEN IN GROUPS’Cliches abound with men’s groups. But what really happens? Imagine a room with up to nine men sitting in a circle. Evenings usually begin with a ‘clearing’; each gives a five minute rundown on his last week. The others listen and identify with themes relevant to them.
Confidentiality is paramount. ‘I’ statements are encouraged. Talk is often with shades of truth. ‘I’m tired and irritable,’ said Jack. ‘I almost didn’t come this week. It’s been an emotional roller coaster. I worked fifty hours plus......again. I’m at everyone’s beck and call; work during the day and my family at night, as if I’m here to serve others and my needs going unmet.’
Anxiety prevented Ken talking personally. ‘No-one stands up to my boss. He sets each meeting’s agenda. Some days he’s easier to get on with.’ The facilitator intervened: ‘Ken, what are you feeling right now?’ A long silence. ‘I feel bad,’ said Ken. When pressed, he said, ‘I feel sad’. But it lacks emotional depth, a stonelike quality dominates his face.
After each has a turn, it’s time for ‘identification’; relating experiences similar to those heard. Jack’s story struck a chord with Tony. ‘Jack, when talking about your boss and needing time for yourself, I sensed your anger and felt sad. Boundaries are a problem for me too. Getting priorities straight, making sacrifices for family, work and me, is hard. See, ‘I’ come last again. But seriously, with gym twice a week I’ve become more attentive to others.’
It was Malcolm’s first evening. A revelation. ‘I didn’t know others had these issues,’ he said. There were nods of agreement all round.
After the break, male stereotypes, the discussion topic was shelved. Kim was in crisis, a relationship break up. ‘It’s been three years since we met. She’s moving out Saturday,’ he said. ‘I feel lost.’
Stories and how they coped had Kim’s full attention. ‘I waited six months for her to come back,’ Peter said. ‘For a while I felt sorry for myself, then got out there again,’ said Ken. When the evening closed, a couple of men spoke quietly with him before going home.
With greater openness, men feel supported and nurtured rather than ashamed, inadequate or embarassed because they ‘said too much’. The camaraderie and excitement is self perpetuating. One night, no discussion took place. They danced instead! Other times they sat with a candle at centre circle for half an hour or so, discovering how profound silence can be.
Anyone can ‘pass.’ Robert wouldn’t role play a conversation with his father. It was ‘too close to the bone’. The rest accepted this, some resentfully. Later, in the sharing, Paul said, ‘It get’s to me. We participate, why don’t you? I get angry.’ Robert replied, ‘I felt alone and exposed. Now I feel rejected as well. The fact is I am not ready yet.’
David’s perspective differed. ‘This stuff can get scary,’ he said. Again, there were nods of agreement. Peter said, ‘I’ve felt lonely for it but realised how afraid I can be to reveal myself.’
Robert’s anxiety became apparent. ‘But, I still don’t understand why it’s “Men Only!”’ he blurted out. Peter came in with, ‘Men tend to look to women for support and self disclosure. ‘Most would be trying to make out with them. I’ve come to appreciate non sexualized, intimate relationships with men. This flows on to women.’
With time and trust, more is revealed. For several weeks, Ken had felt belittled by Doug. When confronted, Doug replied with anger, ‘it’s you, constantly taking over!’ The truth came out, albeit slowly. ‘I am threatened and jealous of Ken’s success,’ he said. ‘And now I’m embarassed and hurt.’
Ashley found it important. ‘Conflict can be resolved.’ he said. ‘Despite your anger Doug, we didn’t die from it. I would have walked away before. You must be close to be so honest with one another.’
In the closing circle, all stood with arms around each other’s shoulders. Doug thought, ‘I’ve calmed down.........I didn’t disintegrate telling the truth. I know what’s mine to deal with.’
Next week, Doug apologised, and explained his behaviour. But it didn’t finish there. Robert hadn’t shown up, phoning in ill. Others noticed him looking down during the argument. Was it too much for him? Sadness enveloped the room. ‘I miss him, I’ll talk to him tomorrow,’ said Peter.
And Ken, who had worn the halo of virtuous victimhood, alluded (in private) to competitive males trying to control situations........ So, was Doug’s anger justified? ‘Yes,’ he agreed grudgingly, ‘I didn’t like his manner though.’ Should he come clean with the group as well? ‘I’ll think about it,’ he said.
It’s a journey. Most meetings are revitalising. ‘I feel connected to the human race again,’ said Jack. ‘Vulnerability is a great leveller. We may lead different lives but have similar issues.’
The tradition of the unemotional Aussie male is losing its hold. Friendship between men creates gentle, more certain men. While not a sensational way to promote change, the honesty a men’s group can foster would make relationships more fulfilling.
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