Watch the stories unfold, as men

are happier

improve relationships with family and friends

relax

express themselves more fully

resolve grief, (a key factor in addressing domestic violence)

are more grounded

Nick Theophilou

PO Box 1213

Elwood VIC 3184

Email address: mentoring@iprimus.com.au

Phone: 0395720984

For 15 years, Nick was in Private Practice as a Mens Counsellor and group facilitator, and formed over 40 mens groups. He now counsels men and women at the Family Mediation Centre in Victoria (Australia), consults to Community groups and gives presentations.

Programs developed include:

Fathers and Sons,

Mens Social and Emotional Awareness,

Communications,

Stress and Wellbeing.

Nick's writing about men has covered prostate cancer and impotence, sons and fathers, and mentoring, and has been published in the Melbourne Age, The West Australian, and numerous newsletters. He gives public lectures, and hosted 'The Full Monty', a radio program devoted to men's issues for two years.

Graduate Diploma in Counselling and Human Services (Latrobe University) 1999

Certificate in Mens Health (Curtin University) 1997

Graduate Diploma in Education (Hawthorn Institute) 1985

Diploma in Business Studies (Swinburne University) 1970 - 75

'I watched the DVD and found it really enlightening. The men's group is such a powerful strategy, you can really see how much the guys get out of it'.. It is good for men and women. I found it fascinating because I didn't know what a men's group was like.'

Joanna, Nurse.

'We want avoid promoting it as a 'men's group' as such. We want to open it as a social group for men. This macho culture here is phenomenal, and to suggest to guys they'll get something from a process as full-on and confronting as this...I don't know what their reaction would be, but I would be surprised if it was positive.

However I can see that we can use the DVD as a resource to examine what men's groups can be and establish a more structured approach if this is the way the guys would like to go.'

Heather,Health Promotion Officer

'The film reminded me of the importance of identification and honest communication. I really believe that men will benefit from Mens Groups. In my opinion, my partner and I have deeper level of communication since watching the film'.

Sophie

'Just finished watching the DVD and had a brief look at the program notes. The DVD was really good. A real good mix of men's personalities to demonstrate what guys can get out of this experience.

I can see this resource being invaluable for men out there wanting to start up a group, or as a library resource that could be borrowed by members joining an established group.

Good to see the fathers and sons program in the notes document. The filming was a real strength of the DVD. Other attempts at things like this often just don't look good due to quality of filming.

It was interesting watching the role play with Anthony. It reminds me of
'psychodrama'. I've recently met workers who are great at that stuff, and bringing other participants into the activity to portray other perspectives of the situation and too allow the protagonist to reflect on themselves.'

Matt Davis, Youth Development Worker

'I didn't know how men feel, and thought I understood them before, but I now realise they have a point of view as well.'

Jannette

'The DVD is excellent - great concept and well presented. Keep up the good work'.

Andrew Stephens, Men's Programs Officer

Other products

A Men’s six pack: articles

‘FATHER HUNGER

This article relates how important fathers are to sons, and daughters. It tells of the gaping wound of emptiness experienced when a father is not available, and the joy ofwhen he is.

‘MEN AND TOUCH’

Touch need not be about sex; try intimacy. We need touch in a society which is becoming increasingly alienating.

‘JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE INTIMATE DOESN’T MEAN YOU’RE GAY’

This article is about initimacy, and preconceived ideas about intimacy can lead to misunderstandings and violence.

MENTORS
At the right time(s) Mentors can help to give your life clarity and direction

A PARENT DIES
This poem is about my father.

FATHER ABSENCE
This article emphasises the importance of close father son bonding.

Mensline Australia supports men who are dealing with family and relationship difficulties, particularly surrounding family break-down or separation.

Mensline Australia's telephone counsellors are professionally trained to provide
confidential, professional and non-judgmental short-term counselling

Dads in Distress is a dedicated support group of men (in Australia) whose immediate concern is to stem the present trend of male suicide due to the trauma of divorce or separation.

Australian Relationship Support
resources to couples, individuals and families to help enhance and support relationships.

No To Violence, (NTV) the Male Family Violence Prevention Association Inc., is a peak organisation of individuals and agencies working for the prevention of male family violence. The specific focus is work with men to assist them to change and end their violent behaviour.

VicHealth works in partnership with organisations, communities and individuals to make health a central part of our daily lives.

John Mark Ministries

Men’s Awareness Network
http://www.mannet.com.au/index.htm

Radio National ABC - Health Online

A site for Seniors
About Seniors

Alcoholics Anonymous in Victoria
The site will give you a listing of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings throughout Victoria.

Anxiety Panic Hub Australia
The focus of this website is Recovery. We have been teaching people how to recover from their panic attacks and anxiety, for over fifteen years. 

Australian Mens' Health Links

The Australian Safety and Efficacy Register of New Interventional Procedures - Surgical (ASERNIP-S): For the latest research on new surgeries such as holmium laser prostatectomy for benign prostatic hyperplasia (http://www.surgeons.org/asernip-s/ ) 

Children's Health Development Foundation

DepressionNetl Loads of information about depression 

MHIRC HOME (Men's Health and Information Resource)
MHIRC designs, develops and supports research and projects which contribute to the enhancement of the health & well-being of men and boys in a variety of contexts:
the workplace family relationships access to health and social support services.

Beyond blue
Australian organisation provides information about depression to consumers, carers and health professionals.

Men's Health
Follow the links in this site to find information on men's health issues
such as diet and overweight, prostate cancer, sexual health and mental health.

Malecare.comThe non profit Malecare has been providing prostrate, testicular & male breast cancer support programs for 5 years. Website contains 200 pages of helpful health information.

MEDLINEplus® XY Online men, masculinities and gender politics

The Men's Project - Northern Ireland
www.mensproject.org

George Gintilas - Emotional Health and Wellbeing

BRAVE - Bradford Reducing Anger and Violent Emotions
Reducing Anger and Violent Emotions through Violence Prevention and Anger Management Programmes

The Men's Project, Eastern Ontario, Canada - HomePage

The Men's Project is a vehicle for supporting men in a process of change with integrity.
Through a male-centred approach, which honours and respects the experiences of men, we strive to provide services that are innovative, empowering, and that work towards the equality of men and women.

Youth issues
http://www.rch.org.au/cah/clinical/index.cfm?doc_id=834

MEN IN GROUPS’

Confidentiality is paramount.  ‘I’ statements are encouraged.  Talk is often with shades of truth.  ‘I’m tired and irritable,’ said Jack. ‘I almost didn’t come this week.  It’s been an emotional roller coaster.  I worked fifty hours plus......again.  I’m at everyone’s beck and call; work during the day and my family at night, as if I’m here to serve others and my needs going unmet.’

Anxiety prevented Ken talking personally.  ‘No-one stands up to my boss.  He sets each meeting’s agenda.  Some days he’s easier to get on with.’  The facilitator intervened: ‘Ken, what are you feeling right now?’  A long silence.  ‘I feel bad,’ said Ken.  When pressed, he said,  ‘I feel sad’.  But it lacks emotional depth, a stonelike quality dominates his face.

After each has a turn, it’s time for ‘identification’; relating experiences similar to those heard.  Jack’s story struck a chord with Tony.  ‘Jack, when talking about your boss and needing time for yourself, I sensed your anger and felt sad.  Boundaries are a problem for me too.  Getting priorities straight, making sacrifices for family, work and me, is hard.  See, ‘I’ come last again.  But seriously, with gym twice a week I’ve become more attentive to others.’

It was Malcolm’s first evening.  A revelation.  ‘I didn’t know others had these issues,’ he said.  There were nods of agreement all round. 

After the break, male stereotypes, the discussion topic was shelved.  Kim was in crisis, a relationship break up.  ‘It’s been three years since we met.  She’s moving out Saturday,’ he said.  ‘I  feel lost.’ 

Stories and how they coped had Kim’s full attention.  ‘I waited six months for her to come back,’ Peter said.  ‘For a while I felt sorry for myself,  then got out there again,’ said Ken.  When the evening closed, a couple of men spoke quietly with him before going home.

With greater openness, men feel supported and nurtured rather than ashamed, inadequate or embarassed because they ‘said too much’.  The camaraderie and excitement is self perpetuating.   One night, no discussion took place.  They danced instead!   Other times they sat with a candle at centre circle for half an hour or so, discovering how profound silence can be.

Anyone can ‘pass.’  Robert wouldn’t role play a conversation with his father.  It was ‘too close to the bone’.  The rest accepted this, some resentfully.  Later, in the sharing, Paul said, ‘It get’s to me.  We participate, why don’t you?  I get angry.’  Robert replied, ‘I felt alone and exposed.  Now I feel rejected as well.  The fact is I am not ready yet.’ 

David’s perspective differed.  ‘This stuff can get scary,’ he said.  Again, there were nods of agreement.  Peter said, ‘I’ve felt lonely for it but realised how afraid I can be to reveal myself.’

Robert’s anxiety became apparent.  ‘But, I still don’t understand why it’s “Men Only!”’ he blurted out.  Peter came in with, ‘Men tend to look to women for support and self disclosure.  ‘Most would be trying to make out with them.  I’ve come to appreciate non sexualized, inti­mate relationships with men.  This flows on to women.’

With time and  trust, more is revealed.  For several weeks, Ken had felt belittled by Doug.  When confronted, Doug replied with anger, ‘it’s you, constantly taking over!’  The truth came out, albeit slowly.  ‘I am threatened and jealous of  Ken’s  success,’ he said.  ‘And now I’m embarassed and hurt.’  

Ashley found it important.  ‘Conflict can be resolved.’ he said.  ‘Despite your  anger Doug, we didn’t die from it. I would have walked away before.  You must be close to be so honest with one another.’

In the closing circle, all stood with arms around each other’s shoulders.  Doug thought, ‘I’ve calmed down.........I didn’t disintegrate telling the truth.  I know  what’s mine to deal with.’

Next week, Doug apologised, and explained his behaviour.  But it didn’t finish there.  Robert hadn’t shown up, phoning in ill.  Others noticed him looking down during the argument.  Was it too much for him?  Sadness enveloped the room.  ‘I miss him, I’ll talk to him tomorrow,’ said Peter.   

And Ken, who had worn the halo of virtuous victimhood, alluded (in private) to competitive males trying to control situations........  So, was Doug’s anger justified?  ‘Yes,’ he agreed grudgingly, ‘I didn’t like his manner though.’  Should he come clean with the group as well?  ‘I’ll think about it,’ he said.   

It’s a journey.  Most meetings are revitalising.  ‘I feel connected to the human race again,’ said Jack.  ‘Vulnerability is a great leveller.  We may lead different lives but have similar issues.’

The tradition of the unemotional Aussie male is losing its hold.  Friendship between men creates gentle, more certain men.  While not a sensational way to promote change, the honesty a men’s group can foster would make relationships more fulfilling.

Available for sale:

Creating And Running Your Own Men's Group.
A Companion To The Dvd 'Sons Of The Fathers - Inside A Men's Group'
(Copyright - Nick Theophilou 2006)

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